Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
