Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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