Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
