My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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