so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
