You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
