I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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