I showed him my bush... on skype.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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