he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I currently don't understand fingers.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
