even my farts smell like vagina
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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