She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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