the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
