spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize