You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
