Got a toothbrush?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
