He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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