my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
