you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
