$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
