that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
