vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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