I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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