i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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