I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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