He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
