I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
