you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
