I love black thongs
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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