They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
