She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
