Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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