My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
