Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Randomize
