like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
