Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
