A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
