I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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