I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
