Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
