I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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