If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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