I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
