you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
