I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
