She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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