her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize