either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
