the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
