He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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