i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
