Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
