My liver just broke up with me...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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