Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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