dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
