operation have a gay friend backfired
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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