I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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