I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
