it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
vagina is talking i cant
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
