are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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