i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
