dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So vagazzling was a success
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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