End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize