Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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