My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We have started to decorate penises.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
