that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
