just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
