Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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