Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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