For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
