I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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