Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Randomize
